A year

It doesn’t even feel like it’s been a year. It feels like it’s been several.

Shortly after Legacy passed my little sister decided to get me one of the cuddle clones. At first I was worried. What if it didn’t look right? What if it looked too much like her and made things worse?

It took about a month or so to make and it wasn’t cheap, but once I got it, I was in awe. It looked just like her. Even is close to the same size. The cuddle clone sits next to her ashes, her collar and her paw print.

To this day that little girl is still my everything. When we go on vacation, I don’t leave her ashes home. They come with me and will either stay with Jen or Tiffany.

My heart is still just as broken as it was one year ago. I still miss her little paws running around the house. Her growling at me to get up on the couch or the bed. Her body always touching mine or being close to me. I miss her always needing to be right there and demand a spot on my lap or on my desk so she can see me while I work.

A year later and Bear and Lexi hesitate about laying next to me on the couch. Why? Because that was Legacy’s spot.

I still move my legs and feet to the edge of the bed because the middle was Legacy’s spot. I kept her blanket next to me on the couch for months after she passed.

I miss her so much it still hurts. And many won’t understand the pain, but I’ve always said it, my dogs are my kids. I’m a mom who lost one of her children and it hurts.

Bear sometimes thinks the cuddle clone is Legacy. He smells her but and pushing it with his nose (just like he would do to her).

My life changed when she was born. She was the runt and honestly wasn’t expected to live. She stuck to me like glue from early on and that’s where she stayed.

When I would go away for the weekend or the weekend, she’d be so excited to see me. Then mad that I had left her. Then she would be over it. When she was really mad, she would lay with her back to me.

My life changed again last year when she died. I was with her until her last breath and I will never, ever forget that.

Recently I went to spend a weekend with my sister and we were getting matching tattoos. That day I got a tattoo for Legacy too. It’s simple. Just her paw print that they cremation company took when she passed. It’s right where I can see it every day.

We are moving back to Florida soon and while I’m excited to go be with family, I’m sad. This is the last place that Legacy was alive.

I miss my girl. I will always miss her. I love you peanut.