Ten years

Time passes by and before you know it, a year has gone by. Then two. Then five. Then you are at ten.

It’s been ten years since my father passed away. Ten holidays I’ve had to celebrate without him. Ten birthdays where I couldn’t call him and wish him a happy birthday. 3,650 days I’ve lived without him on earth with me.

Some say that time heals all wounds. No it doesn’t. Time doesn’t heal shit.

They say you won’t be as sad as time goes on. That’s not true.

My heart is still shattered. I still wonder if he would be proud of me today. I still want to call him and tell him about my day. Share with him something I did that I’m excited for.

It’s been ten years and it still feels like it was yesterday. For anyone who says that I’ll get over it, I hope you never have to go through losing someone close to you. I hope you never have to lose someone you look up to.

My dad was superman. He loved his cigars, loved people watching at the beach or at the theme park. He made the BEST pasta sauce. He told the coolest stories about his family. He was my dad. He protected until his last breath.

I remember driving him home from dialysis the day he passed. We talked about the weather. We listened to the Sweet Home Alabama soundtrack. I made him cream of wheat that morning.

My dad was always there for me. When I was sick and needed to be picked up from school, he was right there. Teasing me, but then taking me home and getting me whatever I wanted. He was always the buffer between us kids and our mom. He did all of the shopping and cooked all of the dinners. He made sure we had food, a house, and were happy. He put things he wanted aside so he could provide for us.

My dad taught me to cook, he taught me about cars. He taught me to go for the things I want in life and not to let anyone stand in my way.

He was my number one hero. He called me tootsie (like the candy). I miss him so much every day.