Bittersweet

First that word, “Bittersweet”. Does anyone truly know what it means or do we just use it to fill in a spot or to sound cool?

Google dictionary says “arousing pleasure tinged with sadness or pain.” I mean I guess I use it correctly then.

Today is that day. The day that using the word bittersweet comes into play.

Today my father would have turned 89 years old, but 12 years ago, he stopped aging. Do I hate today? I used to. Especially because in exactly one month and twenty-two days is the anniversary of one of the worst days ever, but I’ll avoid talking about that right now.

So birthday, huh? Dad, you would be 89 today. That would have been quite an achievement. I’m sure we would be spending your day fixing you all the foods and drinks you love. Watching whatever you wanted on tv (probably Walker Texas Ranger – the original, The Price is Right, Sweet Home Alabama or Overboard) just to name a few of your favorites. And as much as we would all want to complain that we are watching these thing yet again. We would love every moment of it because it would be time spent with you.

Happy Birthday in Heaven dad. I miss you and love you more than you could imagine!

Another notch in the bitter category for today is five years ago (let me just take a minute to say, holy crap! It’s already been FIVE years) since my grandmother passed away.

For anyone that knows, my grandmother was badass. She worked until the end (at the same place)! She was always there for my sister and I when we needed her. And most importantly, she always, always loved us no matter what.

My grandmother was one of my biggest inspirations for following my dreams. Between her, my father and my grandfather, I felt like I could accomplish anything in life. And in a way, I did. For them and because of them.

Five years ago, I was half awake all night long communicating with my sister and my cousin about my grandmothers declining health. Being over 800 miles away, there was no way I was getting there in time. So my sister went for us both. Just before 7am, my sister told me she was gone. I hated that day. I hated that I felt like I failed because I lived so far away.

Gosh I miss you. I miss calling you. I love you!

And now for the sweet part of the day.

So FIVE years ago (yes the exact day my grandmother passed) about two hours after I got the message from my sister, I got an email from Erin at Crazy Ink Publishing. She was telling me that my manuscript was ACCEPTED! Say that again?! I had to read it several times to make sure my teary eyes weren’t seeing thing. But sure enough, they weren’t. My book was going to be published.

So on top of feeling sad for missing my dad, and now my grandmother. One of the best things ever happened to me on that day. Because of Crazy Ink, I’ve now published thirty-one books, with several anthologies, and so many more on the horizon. It’s crazy that on one of my worst days, one huge accomplishment came through.

As I spend today missing my dad and my grandmother, I will also spend it kicking off an amazing writing event, and being the person that my dad, grandmother and grandfather raised me to be. I miss you all, I love you all.